How I came up with this Blog post is a little odd.  About three years ago, I got a bee up my butt and decided to get a third piercing in one of my ears.  I need to preface this by saying that I was going through... for lack of better words... mid-life crisis.  I was having my Internet affair at the time.  Funny thing that,  Mid life crisises. 

Anyway, the third piercing has been a pain in the butt.  Nothing really works in that hole... gold... silver... nothing.  My ear turns red.  But a strange thing happened the other day.  I put in an earring I've had for ages... sensitive ears, nickle-free earring.

That is what brought all the memories.

I was pregnant with my daughter... super way pregnant...  so that dates the earring to nineteen years ago.  I was looking for earrings to go with a dress I'd bought to attend my sister in law's wedding party.  Lisa had gotten wed in Las Vegas, so this was just a reception. 

So that brings me to Lisa.

I met Lisa when I was sixteen years old.  She was my husband's step-sister.  Well, technically she would be his ex-step sister since her dad is no longer married to hubby's mom. 

Lisa was tall and lithe.  She oozed sexuality.  She was raised in a nudist camp, and when she turned fifteen, she moved in with a thirty-five year old man. 

Hubby learned alot of things from Lisa before I met him.  They "played" around with the bases if you get my drift.  They never made it to home base, but they went pretty far.  Lisa played with alot of men, including her sister's husband.

It is kind of a funny thing.  I so wanted to be like Lisa.  She was so free and easy going.  She seemed so happy.  She was a sex magnant.  She knew so much more than I.  I was a dumpy brown headed short person.  She was willowy, tall, lithe and blond haired. 

Lisa died at the age of 26. 

After she married, her husband would farm her out to his business associates to drum up business.  It is suspected he was abusing her.  Well, it isn't suspected.  He was. 

She was in a 7-11 one afternoon just prior to Christmas.  She fell.  She suffered an aneurism. 

Lisa loved cocaine.

We will never know what caused the aneurism.  Did she fall, and hurt her head?  Did she already have a head injury from her abuse from her husband?  Did the coke finally screw something up? 

She was in a coma for around 11 days.  The doctors said she was brain dead…. In other words, there was no grey matter left.  She didn’t respond, she was gone. 

It’s funny.  I can admit this here, but to no one else.  I was jealous of her.  She’d had sexual relations with my husband.  Even though they didn’t go all the way, I knew he had this fondness for her in his heart that went beyond brotherly love.  When they finally pulled the plug on Lisa, he came home, told me how hurt he was because she was in some way his first. 

Lisa’s sister’s husband was also devastated by Lisa’s death.  He’d had sex with her! 

The scene was macabre.  She was a nice person!  Honestly.  I really liked her.  But there was this part of me… the part that was pissed about  the fact that she could hold a special place in my husband’s heart, that was …. Damn…. I was glad she was gone. 

Jealousy is a funny thing. 

Years later I found myself questioning my sexual appeal.  I did the unthinkable.  I had sex with some guy I met over the Internet.  I mean, what was I thinking?!?  He had/has a wife.  I don’t know.  I haven’t had contact with him since February 04.  I wasn’t thinking about the wife.  She was faceless.  I was only thinking about what I needed to feel like a woman. 

The same as Lisa.

Pathetic, isn’t it.

The beauty of this life is that our Creator gives us the ability to learn this stuff.  You make a mistake, you don’t make it again. 

This New Year is dedicated to Lisa.  I wish she could have realized how beautiful she was outside of her sexuality.  She was a wonderful, funny person.  She didn’t know how to find love apart from her sex organs.  That makes me sad.  It also makes me want to love people on a different level than what is physical. 

My New Years resolution is to learn to love people based on their soul.  My resolution is to also learn to love myself for who I am and not for the physical.  I have a pretty cool soul also.