1. If you want to get out and see the world bad enough, you'll find a way to dig under the fence.

2. Just because you are missing vital sex organs does not mean you can't still have fun.

3. Train your owner to give you a cookie for performing random stupid acts.

4. The safest place on earth is under the bed.

5. The water in the toilet isn't so bad when it's all you've got.

6. You might be the ugliest creature to grace this earth, but you don't have to know it.

7. If you've got to puke up grass anyway, make it a work of art on the new cream colored carpet.

8. Being number 2 dog has its perks.

9. Take time to settle down for a long nap in the sun every once in a while.

10. Don't get so wrapped up in life that you neglect to greet your neighbor as he passes by the house.