Okay, no more lists of ten. Now I get down into the nitty gritty.
As I was pouring myself a cup of coffee today at work, I was thinking about the authority figures in my life. This is precipitated by the fact that I work in an office where I am the assistant to two men, but also fall under the management of the office manager, who is also my supervisor. So, in effect, I have three direct supervisors.
The office manager is pretty much clueless regarding my job and what I do, and I think that makes her kind of nervous. The fact that she pretty much doesn't know any of the support staff's jobs makes her nervous, and also causes her at times to lash out.
But this post is not about her. It is about authority figures in my life over time.
I guess I don't cotton to authority figures much. I've pretty much always wanted to do what I want to do when I want to do it, within reason.
I've raised two children to adulthood, and always their needs came before mine. I wanted to raise two children who would be productive members of society. It was important to me. So often I put aside my wants and desires to reach that goal.
That is the reasonable side.
The unreasonable side is the part of me that rebeled against MY parents at every turn. If it suited me to behave in the manner they wanted me to behave in, then all was well. If it didn't suit me, I used subterfuge. Basically that means I lied ... alot!
Okay, in my little, child-like pea brain, this was my reasoning for lying. I wanted something or to do something. I wasn't allowed. I didn't understand why I couldn't do it or have it. The price for being caught was being spanked. So it only stands to reason that if I wanted a particular thing, and was forbidden, then I would get that thing however I could and lie if I got caught.
The other early authority figures in my life were school teachers and spiritual leaders at church.
I never lied to my teachers. I don't know why. I guess it is because I had my parents figured out, but my teachers I never quite got a handle on.
On the other hand, when I was going through confirmation... a right of passage in the protestant church... our minister told our confirmation class to memorize the 23 Psalm, the Ten Commandments, and other stupid stuff. I memorized some of it. When my pastor asked me if I memorized other stuff, I lied. I'm not sure if he beleived me or not, but you see, there was something I wanted. If you passed confirmation class, you were allowed to take communion.
As a young child, I always felt left out because I couldn't take communion. Why it was so important to me, I don't know. But I also know that memorizing verses from the Bible seemed ridiculous to me. So the patch was to lie to get what I wanted.
Obviously at some point in your life you learn you can't lie. What is that old saying? What a tangled web we weave....?
The next authority figures would be my bosses at work. My first line of business was babysitting. The parents of the kids I babysat loved me, and I was highly sought after.
My first "real" job was at a place called TG&Y... a dime store for a lack of a better term. I hated working there, and after about six months I applied for a job next door at a movie theater.
Personally, I loved that job. One day, during a matinee movie, lightning blew out the electricity. 100 people came looking for a refund for their movie ticket. Because I was handing out refunds too slowly, my boss shoved me out of the way and started handing out refunds. Unfortunately, he handed out the refunds at the regular ticket price, as opposed to the matinee price, a difference of 50 cents. So, at the end of the day, we were $50 short. I got blamed and fired.
I think this is my first experience with a bad boss.
The next place I worked was a grocery store. To be honest, the management there was pretty good. I hated working there. I was fired from the job after about a year for not showing up for work.
The next job was at a T-shirt shop on the vacation spot barrier island where I grew up. That job lasted 7 years. That job lasted 7 years. Eventually I was promoted to "manager" (that meant working all the week-ends and nights because someone responsible had to be there).
I discovered my counter-part, a male, who worked at a surf shop down the road was being paid more than me as a manager. When I asked the owner of the shop why, he said I had a husband at home who was taking care of me. What I could not tell the owner was that my counter-part was gay and had a "husband" at home taking care of him, too.
Next, I went into in-home day care after my second child was born. From there I took care of my grandmother until she passed away, and then I got a job as a secretary at my church.
That went along fine until the pastor I worked for made a pass at me, started having an affair with a widow woman and left the ministry.
Next I worked for an attorney. It took two years and a 25 cent raise later to realize I was in the wrong place, even though I kept the office running by maintaining the server, something I was never trained to do, but learned on my own. Oh yeah, and then there was the time I went in to deliver a message to the attorney and she threw a phone at me. I think that's when I decided it was time to move on.
Next I started working for a home care pharmacy. I started as a filer and within a year moved up in the ranks to the accounts payable manager. I was at that job for five years, which finally ended when a new CFO was hired and began sexually harassing the employees. I blew the whistle, he got fired, I quit.
I took two years off of work after that, then took a position as office manager of a Presbyterian church. This was right after 9-11. What I did not know is that the pastor who hired me was a reservist for the army. He was called up to service about six months after I was hired. 300 parishioners suddenly thought they were my boss. My boss, the pastor, kept assuring me the army could not keep him more than a year. Guess what. They can and they did.
That brings me to my position as Assistant to the Worship Department at a large Baptist church. This also brings me back to my three bosses.
I was pouring coffee trying to figure out why I seem to have problems with authority figures. I really enjoy the two guys I work with, but the woman office manager is enept and an ass. Perhaps that is my issue. It is hard to respect someone when you know you know more than them. It is hard to respect someone when they cop an attitude which conveys they are so much smarter, and so much wiser, and so much better and you are scum beneath their feet. I'm not positive if this attitude stems back to my childhood when I wanted to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Or maybe I've been under so many crazy or enept bosses that my attitude has crept into my psychy.
All I know is that I don't like being in the position of the bottom of the food chain. That is why I've gone back to college to finish my degree. I wonder if it will make a difference. I wonder if I'll still have enept asshole bosses.
